Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
bring money and cleavage
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
