sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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