Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
