Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
