The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
