dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
