Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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