I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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