I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
