HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
