do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
