He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
