maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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