youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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