It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
