I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
