i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Randomize
