he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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