i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
