He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
