I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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