3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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