I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
