On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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