Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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