I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
