just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The ass gains better be worth it
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