Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
