So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
