For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
