Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
even my farts smell like vagina
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
