Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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