I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
