Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
