Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
