Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
