Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
