exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
