I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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