You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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