I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
