I want to make a zoo with you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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