The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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