you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
