the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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