i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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