So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
