i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
