just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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