Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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