my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
