i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
