i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
