He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
