The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
